It seems that no matter how many times I compliment my wife, she doesn’t internalize it because it didn’t come from her. That’s true for pretty much everyone, though, right? So I’m sharing with you a short list of things I wish she really knew. Even if it doesn’t help her fully realize these things to be true, it’s my hope that it will help you or your partner feel more supported/supportive. Here we go!
1. She’s smart.
My wife knows she’s not dumb, but I don’t know exactly how smart she feels. I over-analyze things, which gives me the sometimes false impression that I know what I’m talking about. I have to be careful not to mistake over-thinking for thoughtful consideration. Truth is, she often has more insight than I when it comes to parenting. I could stand to listen with more intent when we butt heads about the kids.
She also has a level of emotional intelligence that allows her to walk away when something doesn’t feel right or productive. My lizard brain wants to resolve this shit right now! But it’s rarely productive. And she can really dig deep to find patience and gain perspective. I admire that tremendously.
2. She’s funny.
I’ll admit I don’t love sarcasm, but it has its place. Sometimes she uses it for good, sometimes not so much. BUT, she can be really funny when she’s feeling playful. I love that about her. When she laughs, it’s like a warm bath. I wish she did it more often.
3. She’s beautiful.
I think my wife is pretty, but what really makes her beautiful isn’t what she does or doesn’t do about her outward appearance. She has a child-like wonder about the world. As much as she may not like some aspects of life, she likes to say how much she likes it here. Not “here” as in “southeast Michigan,” but “here” as in “on planet Earth.” The stars and the ocean take her breath away. Images of space make her cry. She connects deeply with her feelings and with nature. It’s something I can relate to, and to me, it’s so, so beautiful.
4. She’s sexy.
CURVES! Man, has she got ’em. I watch her cross the room and I think, “damn!” Now, she knows she’s not the most graceful of Earth’s creatures, but when I see her in jeans or a night shirt or that short robe I got her that shows off her legs… pretty much anything she does in anything she wears: sexy. And at the risk of sharing too much, I wish she could see herself in bed. Rawr.
5. I’ve got her back.
We don’t always see eye-to-eye–or even get along for that matter–but when it comes down to it, I’d support her in anything she wanted to do. Example: it’s not easy being a step-parent. When you add the fact that I have depression, she has depression, my son has special needs, and my step-son probably has ADHD and depression, well, it’s a house full o’ crazy. Suffice it to say that we all have our issues. I want and need to support her in getting support for my step-son, but I’m not usually in the best mental/emotional place to do so. That means I also need to get support for myself. I want the best for her and everyone else in our home, and if I can’t do that without help, I’ll get help.
If she wants to go back to school, I’ll help her. If she needs space, I’ll give it to her (even when I’m in lizard brain mode and I want to argue!). After all, if you can’t count on your partner, who can you count on?
I don’t want to paint the picture that I’m some kind of ideal spouse; I’m not. I’m actively trying to become more–something better than I was yesterday. I believe these things about my wife, who is my partner and best friend, and I want more for her, too. If these thoughts resonate with you, please share. Thank you, and don’t forget to do something awesome today! (Don’t fret. It can be something small.)
Take care,blog and a Facebook page called Pinwheels and Poppies. You should check her out.