… from the bungalow

Waiting, Hoping, Wishing…

16 Comments

Right now, my wife is in surgery. A partial nephrectomy.  I probably won’t see her for about four hours. It’s a relatively minor procedure, but I’m feeling scared and anxious.

We didn’t talk much about it in the weeks leading up to the surgery. As usual, I avoided the subject. Subconsciously, consciously, probably both. Any time you are anesthetized or operated on, there’s a chance you could die. It’s unlikely. Unfeasible. Improbable. It’s all of those things, but not implausible. So when I finally brought it up with her the other night, my question to her was, “So, you could die, right?”

I hadn’t shown much emotion about it until then, and I still didn’t in that moment, but it was more than I had previously. Part of the reason for that was avoidance. Denial. This is so minor, I thought. And the part of me that didn’t consciously think about it knew there was some risk involved. Hush up, brain, I thought. I said this is minor!

In the moments leading up to her leaving the prep room for surgery, we had mixed emotions. Anxiety, hope, dismissive-ness. We nervously joked about going ahead and yanking out her gall bladder while they’re in there, fashionable hospital wear, and how the anesthesiologist could be a complete jerk, even if the nurse did say he was a good guy. (Why would he say otherwise?)

As I kissed her and told her I’d see her soon, nurses and doctors wheeling her away, I made a wish that her wedding ring, worn on my pinky, would keep us linked while she’s asleep.

Chris

P.S. Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. I’ll keep you posted.

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Author: Chris

A dad with a self-evaluation complex. Also a music therapist, college enrollment administrator, and hippie-nerd.

16 thoughts on “Waiting, Hoping, Wishing…

  1. Kidney removal is a nephrectomy. Vulnerable writing. Good work. Thoughts are with your family.

  2. Thanks for sharing your fear and your vulnerability, Chris. Lots of prayers coming your way for peace and healing. XOXO-SWM

  3. May you and our wife have the best possible outcome from this surgery.
    Russ

  4. I hope the surgery is complete, she is resting (and you) and all went wonderful. Hoping for a quick recovery.

  5. Many prayers.

  6. I hope that both of you are doing okay. Sending your wee family love and light this evening.

  7. All the best, a caring post, I hope she is recovering well.

  8. Denial is such a funny thing. We allow ourselves to block out what is at the core untill we are ready to deal with it. I will keep your wife and family in my prayers!

  9. Lovely post, my love. Thank you. And thank to all of you for your well-wishes. I’m doing as well as can be expected 3 days after surgery on a major organ. I’m sore and bloated and tired, but I am well. ❤

  10. Hope you’re wife feels better soon x in my experience anaethatists are a bit odd.. But not quite as much as surgeons! All good guys though..

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