“You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.” ~ Les Brown
I have sat here staring at my computer screen for the better part of two hours now. Not just staring blankly, but also listening to music on Spotify, finding videos on YouTube and skimming the old Facebook news feed. (Today’s post, by the way, is brought to you by Anoushka Shankar and The Black Keys, and dedicated to Mike Dooley.) Why has it been so difficult to write? I’m reminded that planning has never been my forte. I’ve looked through half a dozen drafts–or, more accurately, meager beginnings of what could be drafts–that I’ve saved in WordPress in hopes of regaining a feeling I once had; a feeling strong enough at the time for me to have wanted to “jot down” a quick idea, only to discover that I had lost the underlying inspiration upon revisiting said idea.
My thoughts are all over the place. This is typical, but I’m in one of my extra-scattered periods lately. I can’t tell if I haven’t been writing because I’m too scattered or if I’m so scattered because I haven’t been writing. I suspect it’s both; one of those downward spiral deals.
Either way, it’s time to break the seal, as it were. I’ve got so many thoughts built up and rattling around in my brain and I need to let some, even one, out. My head feels like a dang BINGO cage, churning and turning around and around, waiting for someone to pick a number. Maybe if I open the door and pull out a few numbers, it’ll be easier to sort through the rest of them.
I’ve also put a lot of pressure on myself to write some great, ground-breaking post as my “return” to blogging.
You want to know why? Because I write for me. I write because it’s good for my sanity, not because the next post I write could go viral or be Freshly Pressed. (Although, it wouldn’t kill ya, would it, WordPress?) And at the risk of producing some arguably anti-climactic material, I just have to write. So what if it’s not the newest earth-shattering blog post? I have to get past the hump.
I can account for two main reasons I’ve felt so scattered and disconnected lately. Number one: wedding plans. You’d think by how distracted I’ve been by thoughts of getting remarried in less than three weeks (!) that I’d have more to show for my thoughts. Karin and I are pretty heavy hitters in the sport of procrastinating. We always seem to manage so I’m not too worried. It’s still stressful, though.
Number two (hehe): self-improvement. And perhaps disconnected isn’t quite the word. More like differently connected–focused inward. I’ve been making a concerted effort to connect more with myself, God, my higher self–whatever you want to call it–over the past couple of weeks. And it’s been great, but any change, even in a positive direction, is stressful.
The most prominent thought I’ve walked away with from all of this self-improvement–a minor epiphany, if you will?
I’ve been trying to shake the faulty belief that I have to wait until the perfect moment to share my perfectly thought-out idea with the perfect audience. Life doesn’t work that way. You get an idea about what you want, then start showing up. Do what you do. Get started. Be present. Be mindful. Be aware of the people and opportunities that surround you. Life can’t be calculated. If it could, it would be intolerably boring. I prefer the adventure.
So here I am, showing up, doing what I do. Seal broken.
Writer’s block, you’re on notice.
P.S. “Do do that voodoo that you do so well!”
P.P.S. Coming up, my first adventure as a “media colleague,” wedding stuff and more!
If you made it this far, why not leave me a comment? Now that you know what I think, let me know what you think!