… from the bungalow

“Sometimes, You Just Never Know”


burgers on the grillSaturday night, Karin, L and I went to a cookout (yay meat!) that a high school friend of ours was putting on. It was his tenth annual cookout, but the first time we’ve been able to go.

We were both looking forward to attending, but Karin was especially excited to go once she found out that a dear friend of hers was coming from out of state. We’ll call him “Dave.” We both knew him in high school. We caught up with a few old friends, and it was amazing to see them all, but it’s Dave I want to tell you about here.

See, unbeknownst to me, Dave had held some animosity toward me in high school. Apparently, there had been some perceived tension between us because he was jealous over the girl I was dating, which is even more funny considering Dave is gay. Karin had mentioned it in passing before, but I wasn’t sure how seriously to take her since I didn’t remember any such tension.

As he shared all of this with me at the cookout, I listened in disbelief that I could be so obtuse as to not even notice that this guy basically hated me. I’m not sure he’d say that he hated me, but there was definitely tension; on his end, anyway. He qualified it by telling me that I was also the better clarinet player in band. Again, a surprise. The only reason I ever figured I was “better” was because I am a year older than Dave, and therefore had more practice and experience. He assured me I was just better.

As it turns out, Dave and I have a lot more in common than we thought. Aside from playing the clarinet and liking the same girl, both of us were (are?) “shy, awkward weirdos,” as he put it. We also both have a hand in the mental health field and eat grapes like they’re candy. (Best fruit ever!)

So Dave and I caught up and cleared the air, which I didn’t even know needed clearing. Although, I’ll admit, I do now recall sensing some tension from him in high school, but I never knew why. At any rate, we had a great time at the cookout, and he came over for one last visit Sunday night before returning home Monday. I’m really glad we had a chance to catch up. I think we’re going to be good friends.

Funny how you can go years feeling a certain way toward someone and they have no idea. I’ve done it, too. It makes me think of a phrase I heard once or twice and like to use on occasion: “Sometimes, you just never know.”


~ Chris

Have you ever been the target of someone’s animosity and didn’t realize it? What unspoken feelings do you hold for someone else? What do you think would happen if you told them?

(Photo source: “burgers” http://www.sxc.hu/photo/632929)


Author: Chris

Introspection to a fault. College administrator, parent, soapmaker.

16 thoughts on ““Sometimes, You Just Never Know”

  1. Well I’m glad you and Dave got a chance to catch up and clear the air! 😀 Way to go. 🙂

    I want a cookout. Mmmmm meat!!!!

  2. How funny! I found out through the wonderful world of facebook that a girl that I went to high school with was ticked off at me because during our senior year (we graduated in 1989) I called the cops on her after she rear-ended me in the school parking lot. I had totally forgotten about the incident until about a year ago when it came up on facebook – one of those “what’s your earliest memory of me” statuses. Funny thing is that I have no idea why I called the cops, because she didn’t do any damage. But she was furious with me for years after that because she had apparently taken a hit off of a joint right before this and was terrified that she was going to get busted for drugs. Now we talk (on FB) on a regular basis, and hopefully I’ll get to see her when I go home next month!

    You just never know…..

  3. I’m glad your friend had the opportunity to clear the air and pave the road for a healthier friendship. It’s funny to see life through the eyes of another person. It’s those types of moments where we are gifted with that view.

    I’m not one to hold grudges, so I can’t say that I’d be the one to feel years of animosity. Nobody has approached me in regards to their long held animosity, but there’s time yet for that. Lol.

    • You’re so right, Aleta. It’s a kind of gift. And I doubt he really held onto it for long. It’s just funny to me how oblivious I was!

  4. Hey- I’m the one who used the phrase, “Shy, awkward weirdo”. Dave liked it and said we should put it on a t-shirt. We’d wear it. LOL
    Great post, baby!

    • You said that first? Sorry! You now have credit for that. I remember now, he did say we should put it on a t-shirt. I’m gonna do that for realz.

  5. Though an introvert, I tend to be pretty outspoken; I nurture no quiet grudges! (See what I did there? 0:)

    This entry did remind me of my roommate in Japan. I loved her at first but came to hate the way she wanted company for every outing, or wanted to accompany me on my own outings. I’ve always been adventurous and–till then–pretty individualistic, so she drove me bonkers and I told her so a few times. I still did so in pretty amicable ways, I guess, because I sent her my letters from Japan and giggled to her (amused) response to the effect of, “I really didn’t get how much you disliked me at first!”

    I’m a little less aggro these days, and, of course . . . she’s now one of my best friends, and forever the person who held me as I sobbed when I got the letter that illuminated that she was truly, completely then lost to shizophrenia. ♥

    • That’s a beautiful story, Deborah! And a great example of why I should remember not to assume that I know anyone’s story. You just don’t know what problems anyone has faced that led them to be the person they are in that moment. Did that even make sense? I’m not sure how else to word it.

  6. It’s great that you got to reconnect and clear the air. I did that with an old high school friend not too long ago (actually, I think today’s high schoolers would have caller her my “frenemy,” but I’m not that hip). It feels good to put the past in the past.

    And, from one band geek to another (I played the trumpet, and I can guarantee that you were a better clarinet player than I was a trumpet player – even without ever having heard you play the clarinet): cheers to a great BBQ!

    • “Frenemy,” huh? Learn something new every day.

      Yay, another band geek! There was a girl in my section who was always better than me, but she was a year ahead of me. Once I became a senior and she graduated, I finally got first chair!

      Thanks, Ms. Spaghetti! I’m looking forward to competing with you in a totally friendly, non-adversarial way. (Dang it! Why are there so many good, friendly bloggers in Blogger Idol?!)

  7. Nobody hates me, except maybe Daddy Knows Less but I found out the Jenna Wolfe from NBC hated my wife for a long time simply because she was dating me. I guess there were feelings of jealousy, all over me. I had no idea. I must be a stud or something.

  8. First of all…congrats on making the Blogger Idol 12. I too can be completely oblivious to that which is right in front of my face and seen by everyone else. I am sure I have my share of “Daves” out there and am totally unaware. Great blog and I am happy that you both cleared the air (more so for him since it has apparently bothered him all these years) and that you have embarked on a new friendship! Good luck and great blogging.

    • Thanks, Cmom! Is that how you found me (Blogger Idol)? 🙂
      Yep, he lives out of state. I’m mainly glad to get to know him better because he’s such a dear friend of Karin’s. I’m grateful to anyone who’s had such a positive impact on my future spouse. Plus, if she loves him so much, he must be good people. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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