I’m just not feelin’ it today. I had wanted to write last night about how amazing and magical my life is, and how I’m helping to create a successful blended family, but my stupid depression keeps creeping in lately. So I thought, I shouldn’t write today. I can’t get my head into it and it will just be boring and dumb anyway.
Do you ever do this? Classic depression. You have a desire to do something, but some jerkface in your head immediately tells you why it’s a bad idea. It won’t work. You’re no good. And it stops you in your tracks before you ever had a chance to find out.
Well, fuck you, depression.
See, something I’ve always struggled with is not being able to start something because I feel like I have to have it all perfectly planned out in my head. I need to do it right. Need to do it well. Who am I trying to impress, anyway?
In reality, all it usually takes for me is to get started on something. I start to see something come out of my efforts and it’s motivating. I don’t always finish things, but starting them is usually enough of an accomplishment by itself. Things almost always turn out to be easier or better than I would have imagined. I know this because I decided to see a counselor and take anti-depressants for a few years. During that time I was “me” enough to see the flaws in my thinking and I was able to develop some coping skills. I’ve since stopped taking anti-depressant medication, and I’ve been able to carry forward some of those skills. The trick is finding the way out of your head enough to remember to use them when you need them most. So rather than waiting until it’s dark to use these skills of mine, I will stand resolute in being pro-active.
I hereby declare war on depression.
“So make your siren’s call and sing all you want. I will not hear what you have to say. ‘Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how to live my life as it’s meant to be…
“I’ll know my name as it’s called again.”
Depression, consider yourself warned: You’re on my list.