… from the bungalow

The Cussing Soul-Searcher


It’s been a while since my last post and I’ve been trying to figure out why that is. I went into this blogging venture with more gusto than other projects I’ve started or only thought about. More often than not, I have what I think is a great idea, only to have it remain exactly that: an idea. So sticking with this for as long as I have is a small success for me already.

But I hit a wall. Why? I’ve identified a couple of reasons so far:

  1. Consistency. Or rather, perceived consistency. I have a small issue with feeling like once I start something, I have to continue that something in the same tradition in which it was started, or else not do it at all. This is a great way to paint myself into a corner.
  2. Identity. I’m human. As such, I have a wide range of emotional states and behavioral tendencies at my disposal. Awesome. So why do I sometimes insist that those different sides of me are mutually exclusive? They’re all part of who I am, so why shouldn’t I be open in every aspect, and not just the “positive” ones?

But why stop there? More than simply recognizing them, why not identify and honor those less-than-positive aspects of who I am?

You see, dear Reader, I haven’t been writing lately because I haven’t been in the best mental/spiritual space lately, and my silly need for establishing a consistent identity has boxed me in. Well, as serendipity would have it, this morning I read a great blog post called You’re SO Spiritual… Sorry for Cursing in Front of You! and it helped put things into perspective for me. It served as a good reminder that my spiritual journey is up to me, and that spirituality and cultural moral codes are not the same thing.

In that light, I have a confession: I am on a path toward spiritual enlightenment, and I cuss. A lot. Most of it occurs when I’m alone in my car.

Alright, so it’s not so much a confession as it is disclosure. After all, I’m not concerned about being judged. My need for consistency far outweighs my fear of judgment. (Another accomplishment for me.) My point is I’m not perfect. I’ve never claimed to be perfect, and I never will. I’m a work in progress. Goes along with the territory of being human, I suppose.

I believe we’re all on a journey toward enlightenment. It’s a journey that has no beginning and no ending. There’s an undeniable, inexplicable, very compelling something that lies just beneath the surface. If you close your eyes and hold out your hands, you can almost feel it. It calls to us from without and from within. There’s a large group of folks who recognize it, and a sub-group of that who actually listen to it. It speaks in an infinite number of voices, in varying degrees of intensity, and from the unlikeliest of sources; a voice that calls to us from as far-reaching as the outer regions of the universe, as close to home as our children, partners, friends and enemies, all the way down to the very molecules that make up our physical bodies…

Am I listening for that voice?

You bet your sweet ass, phuckers.

Conjecturing from the bungalow,

~ Chris


Author: Chris

Introspection to a fault. College administrator, parent, soapmaker.

6 thoughts on “The Cussing Soul-Searcher

  1. Hey Chris, don’t worry about being ‘consistent’, be yourself. I’d far rather read something real than read something contrived 🙂 You are who you are, be real. Keep listening, keep seeking. All who seek, find. : )

    “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. …Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” : ) Have a truly fantastic day!

    • Thanks, Jan! I hope none of my previous posts have come across as contrived. I am still finding my voice, but all of it’s real. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂

  2. LOL, no you haven’t sounded contrived at all, just wanted to encourage you to ‘keep it real’. Whatever that looks like on any given day 🙂

  3. Wow, I feel the same way and could almost have written this, except you put it so much better than I would have. I agree with everyone else, be yourself! That’s where the true enlightenment comes from. 😉

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